hey friends <33
today i'm sharing all my thoughts about the pros & cons of long-distance friendships. i got this idea from michel janse, who did a video about this (but with dating). i had never thought about there being pros to long-distance relationships (ldr) before! she really laid it out so well, but i wanted to add my experiences with the friendship side ◡̈
these thoughts are based on my experience with my bestie named allison. for some backstory, we met through church five years ago. we lived around forty minutes away from each other, but never hung out before i moved about two years later. we texted a lot and eventually started video calling around the time covid hit and i moved. we became really close over that period of time, writing letters & talking nonstop. we were just so similar! she was the first friend that was insanely similar to me. we say we're twins because it's really crazy how similar we are in so many ways. anyhow, we managed to see each other briefly a few times over two years until last year, i flew out to boston to stay with her for a week. and then this year, she came to visit me in wisco for a week. that's just short little background haha :)
so, let's jump into it!
the cons :
01 no physical touch
as both of our top love language, seeing alls once a year kinda stinks in this regard. it's hard not to see people you love most face-to-face! there's definitely a piece of the relationship that is missing when you are physically apart. it's also harder to communicate without being together. so for me personally, this is the hardest thing.
02 going through hardships alone
it's hard to truly support someone through a screen, and sometimes, i just want a hug. so tying in with the first point, it's hard to feel loved when you're having a bad day when your bestie is far away and busy. it's also difficult to know how the other person is truly feeling, so sometimes you could be having a hard time and they wouldn't even know.
03 missing life events
i wish i could go to concerts, parties, games, talks, camps, and other things with her! especially with graduation coming up this next year, it's sad to miss events. showing up is a way to support someone, so it stinks to not be able to show up for your friend! it's also just harder to celebrate when you're not together.
04 logistical difficulties (less quality time)
being far apart means busy schedules, time zone differences, and very little time together. we both have a lot of commitments and plans, so it's a struggle to call even multiple times a week. when quality time is your thing, sometimes it feels like the friendship is nonexistent!
05 not knowing the "real life"
until i went out to visit, i had no idea what her house, town, church, etc looked like. i didn't know the people she saw all the time, or how her family flowed. there's something so special about being in someone's home and community, and a trip can help you visualize, but there's still so much i don't know, like what her school is like or how tall her boyfriend is.
so yeah. ldr is rough!! but there are a few good things about it too.
the pros :
01 valuing time more
we really don't take our time together for granted, because it is limited and extra precious! there's something so special about only seeing someone sometimes that makes it sweeter. we also put more thought into our time together.
02 more intentional & creative
when you're far apart, you have fewer options, so you have to try a little harder. it's so fun to think of fun things to do when we are apart (like the matching bullet journals i make). i also love writing letters, so we love to do that when we can.
03 maintaining independence
this is such a cool one because i kind of get to live two lives! not really, but it's cool to hear about a totally different place and lifestyle! if we lived in the same town, we wouldn't be able to learn about other parts of the country ◡̈
04 better communication
long-distance relationships really teach you how to communicate well! i've learned a lot about advocating for myself and my needs. it's something i want to improve on in all my relationships, but long-distance definitely makes you work on it.
05 visiting is a vacation
i like to travel, so it's so awesome that visiting my friend means a trip to boston and nyc! :) like i've mentioned before, it's so interesting to see other places and have a host who is a tour guide too. another perk is when you visit, it's a trip, so it feels more exciting, and is more intentionally a vacation, not mundane life :)
one of the most precious things about long-distance is that the level of the relationship can be really deep and strong if you put in the effort. i think my friendship with alls is more solid because of how hard we've had to work for it.
i was talking with my grandma the other day, and she said that she loves that we are still friends because that kind of relationship will last your whole life. i think it's special how long-distance friendships can last throughout many of my life seasons, not just one. since we have the experience and skill of being far apart, we can be far apart through college or missions or later in life -- whatever comes. while i hope to someday not be distanced from alls (and all the incredible ldr friends i have), i'm ultimately so grateful for all long-distance has taught me!
if you made it this far, you're a real one! ◡̈ i hope this was interesting and gave you a new view on some of your relationships. if anything resonates, let me know!
sending all my love to anyone and everyone out there doing long-distance of any kind! it's a challenge but it's possible, and truly blesses your life in so many ways <333
xo, kate
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