hi friends! i hope you all had an a lovely valentine's day! :) i realized after writing this post how spot-on this timing was! texting has been a tool to make friends, especially long-distance, but it has also wrecked multiple friendships and caused me a lot of overthinking. i hope this post can leave you with some things to think about. as always, take or leave whatever you wish! <3
why i hate texting
01 it takes the connection & energy out of talking with someone
02 it’s insanely confusing to understand what people mean
03 it warps how close you think you are with someone
04 it’s basically a one-way conversation with a screen
05 it’s easy to lie (& say things different: more lovey, rude, dry…)
06 distracting: takes you out of the real world & into your phone
07 basically talking with no emotion!
08 you forget what people look and sound like
09 takes more social energy than you get back out of it
10 it replaces time to spend with people in real life
what do you think?
why is texting good?
01 for coordinating logistical details, especially to call or hang out
02 for sending pictures and updates
03 for checking in with people when you can’t see them in real life
so what do i do about it?
01 write down & communicate your boundaries
02 send voice memos instead !
03 set up recurring times to call your closest friends/family
04 set downtime to block texting at night
05 mute group chats and unimportant convos
06 put your phone on “do not disturb”
07 tell people things in real life instead of texting them later
08 set an app limit for messages
09 don’t text people unless i really need to
10 take a day off my phone a week to be present
i hope those are some helpful ideas for you <3 they are definitely things i've been working on incorporating.
understanding your brain science
oxytocin is released from physical touch and even presence! that’s why hugging is so good for you!! this is why spending quality time with people is so important for your health & happiness.
dopamine: texting can activate dopamine, since it is related to anticipation and reward. however, it’s almost as if you settle for less: these dopamine hits aren’t enough and soon you want more and more, and you’re still not satisfied. phone addictions are real! now you know why :)
endorphins: exercising, laughing, and eating with someone.
serotonin: happiness and satisfaction can come from texting, but it’s stronger in person! the depth of connection, the body language, the tone, and the time spent with other people contribute to a bigger serotonin boost.
i think learning about these neurotransmitters are so important! it's not a character flaw to feel lonely when you're texting someone, because your brain, heart, and body aren't getting the same chemical messengers that you would get in person.
other social media apps
snapchat is even worse because you’re not usually talking much, and if you are it’s usually less than texting, since the energy of snapchat is quick, quick, quick. i’m a big hater of snap. how much time and energy is wasted is wild.
instagram: seeing highlights from the lives of people you don’t even talk to (even over text) is so unhealthy and leads to so much overthinking in my experience. it’s an amazing tool like youtube to learn from people and get inspiration (for me about art, health, mindset, etc), but the whole social part is honestly so weird. if you’re not talking to someone, why do you want to see their life? it really doesn’t give you anything good. (and if insta is bad, facebook is much worse in my opinion).
i know texting is tough, especially with long distance friends! i get it. all this to say: think about these things. don't let them passively hurt you! you might have different opinions and boundaries than me, and that's completely okay. i hope this post encouraged you <3
love you all!
xoxo, kate
ps i recently published a new podcast episode with a female police officer! check it out :)
pss i love love love comments!! they make me so happy! leave your name please so i know who you are :) thanks <33
Love your comments about texting and social media. I agree - I think one of the hardest things to do these days is find the healthy balance with social media and texting. I love it for keeping in touch but in so many ways it is a poor substitute for in person interaction. Thanks for your thoughts Kaye!