Jesus suffered & died in my place.

happy easter!! last week, i got to attend a fireside with my church group here at byu called the greatest sacrifice of all. it was presented by our bishop's father and his friend. a former surgeon and his friend a former lawyer, together they taught us about the medical and legal significance of holy week. there were many things i learned, but one thing stood out the most and i want to share that!

during the trial of Jesus, pilate asks Jesus why He isn’t saying anything to defend Himself. according to the presentation, at that time there was no roman right against self-incrimination, so it would have been important for Jesus to speak up and prove Himself innocent, as He was.

however, Jesus remained silent. the presenter explained that it was never about Jesus on trial, it was about us on trial. He was on trial on behalf of us. Jesus was found guilty because we are guilty. He stayed silent because He had no defense for our sin.

john 19:10-11: pilate therefore said to him, “do you refuse to speak to me? do you not know that i have power to release you and power to crucify you?” Jesus answered him, “you would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin."

1 peter 2:21-25: for to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” when He was abused, He did not return abuse; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that, having died to sins, we might live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. for you were going astray like sheep, but now you have returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.

these thoughts reminded me of the song i am barabbas sung by josiah queen: i am barabbas, you took upon my cross / i was a prisoner, 'til you bought my bond with blood / and i can't run away / from what my accusers say / 'cause i am barabbas / i am barabbas, your friend

Jesus suffered the death promised to barabbas, the criminal set free by pilate. likewise, Jesus suffered the death promised to us. while we will still die, that death will not be the end. while we will still sin, that sin will not be the end. but this suffering was not easy to bear or easy to comprehend. it was part of an infinite atonement. an experience that allowed Jesus to suffer each pain and understand all people.

luke 22:41-44: then He withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me, yet not my will but yours be done.” then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength. in His anguish He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground.

alma 7:11-13: and He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith He will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of His people. and He will take upon him death⁠, that He may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and He will take upon him their infirmities, that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor His people according to their infirmities. now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that He might take upon Him the sins of His people, that He might blot out their transgressions according to the power of His deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

for my new testament class, i read rediscovering God in rwanda, written by patrick mason. it was a beautiful article tackling the paradox of a loving God while addressing the heartbreaking genocide in rwanda. i loved this section:

to weep over our hate for one another is a godly act. such weeping participates in the life and being of a loving God of radical, infinite, and eternal empathy. but is God so powerless in the face of human evil that weeping for and with us is the only divine response? is ours a compassionate but ultimately weak God?

my thoughts turned from the weeping Father (and surely Mother) to the incarnate Son. in Jesus, God chose to be weak. God chose to suffer. God chose to be tortured—not just emotionally and vicariously, but bodily and actually. God chose to accept some of the worst, most heinous, most painful punishments that the powers that be of his day could conceive. God chose forsakenness. God chose death. not a noble, heroic death, but an excruciating and lonely death of despair.

with this in mind, i don’t think God was asleep in rwanda in 1994. rather, i believe God died—a million times over. for those hundred days, the satanic god of this world contended forcefully with the God of love. however inexplicably, the true God chose not to prevail in that time and place, but instead to suffer and die.

d&c 19:16-19: for behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; but if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink. nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.

such pain caused the greatest of all to suffer. we cannot understand His suffering but we can understand the sacrament. renewing your baptismal covenants by taking the sacrament means promising to always remember Him and take His name upon you. this we can understand. as my bishop shared, making mistakes is how we come to know Jesus! when we mess up and come to Him for help, we can have experiences with His love and power.

in president nelson's talk, come, follow Me, he said: “if you are not sure you even believe in God, start there. understand that in the absence of experiences with God, one can doubt the existence of God. so, put yourself in a position to begin having experiences with Him."

that was on my mind this past week when talking with my friend about making mistakes and feeling torn between our desires and our actions. i've loved romans 8 for a long time but reading it in context with romans 7 is a beautiful way to connect all of these thoughts together: sin, the desire to do better, and the power of the love of Jesus because of His suffering, death, and resurrection!

romans 7:18-20, 24-25: for i know that the good does not dwell within me, that is, in my flesh. for the desire to do the good lies close at hand, but not the ability. for i do not do the good i want, but the evil i do not want is what i do. now if i do what i do not want, it is no longer i who do it but sin that dwells within me. ... wretched person that i am! who will rescue me from this body of death? thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! so then, with my mind i am enslaved to the law of God, but with my flesh i am enslaved to the law of sin.

romans 8:1-6: therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. for God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do: by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and to deal with sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. for those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

10-11: but if Christ is in you, then the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through His Spirit that dwells in you.

15-17: for you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received a spirit of adoption. when we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs: heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if we in fact suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

31-32, 35, 37-39: what then are we to say about these things? if God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son but gave him up for all of us, how will He not with him also give us everything else? who will separate us from the love of Christ? will affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword? no, in all these things we are more than victorious through him who loved us. for i am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

and here we return to the beginning, the love of Jesus. as john 15:13 says, "greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." this easter i have stood amazed at the great love Jesus gave by choosing to suffer and die in my place. i do not need to fear sin or death because of the power of His love and the daily grace it gives me. Jesus lives, and Jesus loves. i hope i can show greater love this year as i worship Him, my Savior & King!! in Him there is joy and glory despite the suffering of this life!

happy easter! happy spring! love you all!

xoxo, kate

p.s. i made easter/conference art!! it's out on my etsy!! you can see it here

& a new podcast episode is out! listen here