what a crazy, incredible experience. God is truly a master of miracles. one of the biggest lessons fsy taught me this time around is to trust that His plan will be beautiful in ways you could never imagine. ♡ dont let your expectations, as “good” as they might be, limit God. He will always do it different than you think bc He is better at orchestrating lives than you are.
it was an object lesson. i learned not through lessons or words but through experience that miracles require trials. now, this sounds really basic. but i feel that sometimes its less about the lessons we are taught and more about the way we learn them. ◡̈
so we need the backstory. basically, i was going to go to spain this week. but plans changed, and now we are going in august. i realized i would be home & had the opportunity to go to fsy! if you dont know, fsy, or "for the strength of youth," is a week-long camp for teens run by my church. i went last year, and completely loved it.
it was last minute and spontaneous to want to go. but i wanted to so badly. everything started to come together, and i was so excited! then i went to register, and the session was full & not excepting registrations. my heart fell bc i wasnt expecting that, of all things! i soon learned there was no waitlist.
so i checked back multiple times every day the week before fsy was going to happen. i was so certain it would open up. im usually very realistic & wouldnt expect something like this to actually work out, but i had the strongest feeling that God wanted me to go and that it would happen. but as the week passed, the session remained full, and i figured i wouldnt be going. i was fine with that. on sunday i wasnt feeling great, & in the morning it was still full.
randomly at five thirty that night, i checked it. and it was accepting registrations. i was so shocked. thirty minutes before registration closed, seventeen hours before the session began. i could go. but did i want to ?! i wasnt mentally or physically prepped for a full week away from home. i was feeling gross & didnt know if i would feel better the next day. i did not know i would be paying for it all. etc. etc.
but i said yes, bc i had had that strong prompting God needed me to go. so i did. i was shook, i was stressed, and i was scared. but somehow, i got there.
the first three days of fsy were really rough. i was physically struggling with major fatigue, headaches & low energy. i felt like a zombie, which was frustrating bc this was fsy! i had opportunities to make friends and have fun and i just felt like going to bed. this week was supposed to be the best week of the year, and here i was, low-key wanting to go home. ˙◠˙ i had this gorgeous vision of fsy, and i had grown so much more outgoing since last year. it made me so sad that i was in survival mode when i wanted so badly to be on thrive mode.
wednesday morning was the epitome of my discouragement. on top of everything, i felt super queasy and nauseated. i was sitting on a pew in the beautiful chapel, trying so desperately not to cry. it was so awful in those moments. i kept wondering — why ? why did God put me through so much to be here? it was a miracle i was here, but it wasnt even good like i thought it would be. why would He bring me here to be in pain? i was confused.
i told enoch, my counselor, i wasnt feeling good. i got tums from the health counselor and because of that, or maybe just His timing, my nausea went away. just like that. i saw through the next two classes & even ate lunch. that first class was about trials. very fitting & the most amazing lesson.
sister kelly talked about contrast & complementary colors — trials are similar. how its the lows that make life deep & full & beautiful. all good things are impossible without their “bad” opposite. she also talked about light. how its in our darkness that we see God better. and how some times our personal darkness allows others to see divine light. that resonated. i had never considered how our trials can help others.
my last class that afternoon was about miracles. and there, sitting on the bleachers, i had a prompting that brought everything full circle. i realized that trials, like i had been taught about earlier, make miracles possible. that moment + that thought = a little moment from God ♡
there were other things i learned too. we studied philippians 4:13. a lot. i already liked that verse, but now i adore it. “i can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” theres so much in that phrase. one is how we can have joy throughout our trials. like enoch was saying later, with Christ we can both endure trials && have joy through them. its hard, but thats good. hard ➜ growth ➜ joy :)
trials are also an opportunity for God to show us His power & love. this can be through miracles, but also through the spirit: the peace & contentment we can feel during the storm. trials may be lacking comfort, but they dont have to lack joy or peace if we do them with the Savior ◡̈ though sometimes miserable at the moment, trials are so intensely beautiful bc they teach us & shape us to be like Him, and if we let them, they can draw us tight with Christ.
those lessons seem simple when i write them down, but the way God taught me physically this week made them so powerful. on the last night i wrote down a little thought — this week to me is a testimony that i can really do all things through Christ. He makes beautiful things out of ashes and broken pieces. His way is majestic & deep & i love Him more for it ♡
i made a whole list of reasons why God brought me to fsy. but above them all, i just know it was His plan. and if thats the only reason i know, thats ok, bc i trust His plan. but there were more reasons ◡̈ like i wrote down a note from a class: “i am where i need to. be — here & now — so i can become like Christ.” fsy was a boost of spiritual momentum that i didnt know i needed so badly (but He did). fsy was God telling me over & over: “I am real. I am here with you. I have given you so many ways to find Me. you can do all things with your Savior. I see you. I love you. I am listening to you. I will never leave you. I am making more out of you each day than you could ever dream. and bc you know Me, it will always be more than ok." ♡ so precious.
so thats a little recap of some of my thoughts and feelings from fsy. there was so many, and thats why it took me so long to post. suddenly there were so many things on my mind & i didnt know where to start. this is a really personal experience, but ive just had the strongest push from Heavenly Father to share it. so i hope it resonated, or reminded you of something you needed to hear. beautiful things can happen to you, too. especially during the weirdest and unexpected experiences. bc with God, life is so precious & insanely joyful.
xo, kate ◡̈
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